Updated: Jun 23, 2021
I dieted to feel a sense of belonging. To fit better, to be more accepted and to be taken more seriously. I dieted to prove myself.
I guess I felt that if I will have the "perfect" body people will love me more, that somehow I can fix myself and become more popular, loved and successful.
I tried to fill the void, to claim back the sense of control, to feel whole.
But in fact, it was just breaking me more, making me more vulnerable, more dependent and afraid of being myself and put myself out there.
I started to seek validation in others and felt trapped in a cycle of not being good enough, so I don't deserve the life, partner, a friend I wanted.